Thousand Apologies

To say the least I have let this blog rot in cyberspace, adding not much in way of matter or giving it the least bit of attention. For that I am sorry .. sorry to you last courageous reader that stayed and hoped for this day . This day being the day I wake up realized I had a lot to say and remembered that I had a blog to do all of that ..
So I am back to put my super opinionated posts ,random ramblings and things that I would like to believe have some semblance to poetry ..
So here's to this year, the new beginnings , the rantings and ravings of this vivacious mad woman and lots more !
Viva(raises her shot glass that is filled with feni)

Sand timer

The pale green silent room lies dead,
The mould seems to grow from his leg .
The muffled snoring and things in jars lay bathed in a slow golden haze,
Time here seems to pause, stories to be told and unfold but there is no one to tell.
So they gather moss in the recesses of my mind, or hers, or his or maybe another kind.
When the steady beating of the rain kept us spell bound,
We lay up here and forgot the songs of the birds and kiss of the earth.
Our memories never served us well, them our masters, we their slaves, disappeared.
Now no one can tell the tale.

Coffee spelt

Stories that lived within the walls
Spilt forth like spells that wrapped you in
the corner of warmth that chose you well .
You rode high on the swirls rising from the dark puddle in your mug and..
You spilt forth like a spell unleashed upon the world.
Fly high and let the you that is , be.

My last drop

The room spun in and out of vision fading into black and then flashes of bright light coming from the lamp above my bed.The room reeked of the green walls, of spirit. Rocking back and forth, a cold sweat slowly dripped from down the side of my face and down my spine.This was like waking up from a nightmare that refused to vanished when you opened your eyes. There wasn't a sound expect for the drops of water spattering on the polished floor somewhere down the hall.The silence was beginning to deafen me , resounding through the hollow pathways.I try to jump off the bed but the very effort makes the images swirl and fade.

My head begins to throb, and I can feel the contents of my stomach rise in my throat.
My limbs just wouldnt move no matter how I tried.My arms weighed a ton. A glimpse of white and heavy on my arm, bruises scarred my other arm and legs. I touched my forehead and felt a scab.My head filled with the sound of screeching tires and blinding lights made me squint. She was there wearing that white shirt I gave her, and the perfume I remember from my childhood.Tears welled in my eyes , my hands went cold. Where was she , why wasn't she here. I could feel the cold floor against my cheek but my bones were colder still, the chill oozing out of my toes.
I see a door, slowly I try to pull myself toward it my body groaning as it moved.It swirls and fades.

Ice cold water hits my face, I could feel the cuts burn.A metal chair met my bones with its icy steel fingers. A face in front of mine saying things I could barely hear, a photo pushed into my hands , she was there looking happy. The look of confusion on my face conveyed my desire to see her to the face in front of me. She says she has left and will never come back and its all my fault.
Now I realize, it sinks in that it was us in the car, she was coming with me to the hospital, where they would take care of me . Pangs of fear grip me with visions of us in a happier place, with happier people.It swirls it fades.

Ice cold water again , this time it stings less, there is another picture of a baby , one of those before birth ones .She was mine she says and she too has gone .It doesn't swirl, it doesn't fade. There is an emptiness, my stomach hits the chair or it seems to. I back into a corner ,they leave.
I remember the flashes of light, screeching tires. Alone and now completely sober my reasons to live are gone and this time too I'm to blame .
So much for my last drop.

A sight among others

Lying on the floor blowing bubbles at the ceiling
Watching them break into me
The sight of dark glass
The chill on the floor that night
A girl too old for her dress
The purple bouncing off the chair ..
The sight of clouds and the weight of them bearing down,upside down
The fragance of fresh earth newly bathed ..
Mist and sun slowly swirl

Hold it right there fella !

Well in my recent travels and interactions with people in and outside the state I have come across some very warped perceiptions of goan women .. especially young goan women.
Just because we are passionate about life and live with no regrets doesnt mean we have no morals or boundaries , we may give into the moment and not look back but that doesn't make us any less respectful than the next ...
You may not be used to women this free and alive but that doesn't take anything away from us or our dignity ..
We are probably the most caring, talented and charming creatures you've come across in and while that may intimidate you , that has nothing to do with who we are ... so open your minds a little you'll be amazed at what life throws your way then ..

And then the glitter faded

So my idealistic bubble has burst .. attribute it to what you may 'the ugly truth' or whatever you want .
This isn't about love or the lack of it ,those illusions have long been dispelled (my youthful cynicism, isn't it just infectious?)
Well I've another one of those epiphanies, moments in life where reality slaps you in the face and the underbelly that lays hidden behind rose tainted reality lays open to be viewed.
The grinding poverty, the heights of frivolity, rampant corruption, the vague glimpses of hope that get us jumping for more ..
The question to be asked is are we not the ones in control of what goes on , I mean apparently this is a democracy so why don't we make changes.
See now that's the really upsetting is that people have gotten so comfortable in the chaos that surrounds them , it takes too much time and effort to try and alleviate someone Else's pain, to care about what surrounds you , We search for the easy way out of each situation. Garbage flung out of the windows onto the road, leave your taps running , I mean we have worked for it who gets to tell us how to use it ?
There is almost no sense of civic responsibility left.
We won't get off our high horses and do something. Why , well because someone else will do it , its not our job to care. Well now that 'Someone Else' is done being taken for granted.
Our feilds are dying, the weather is getting worse, food prices rising, garbage increasing. We deserve better we all know that yet we aren't willing to change the way our economy works .. we aren't willing to take the green way out .. we aren't willing to fight a collective battle .. we aren't even willing to do our own little part...If everyone just paid attention to the hundred feet around them there would probably be a day we could look forward to ,a change we could look forward to.
For one of the fastest rising economies this country sure doesn't look it and when you travel to poorer countries with better infrastructure you wonder .. if they can , then why cant we ?
The lack of motivation to do something for someone other than yourself , greed , desire to overlook others in effort to get your big break... it all just adds up .
I guess at the end of the day everyone just wants their own luxury and are unwilling to look at the bigger picture because its futile sometimes there are sacrifices to be made and there isn't anyone to do.
I applaud all those who committ themselves to the betterment of society, sometimes even putting themselves on the line ...and those that still believe in the Utopian dream and work for it .. I one day hope to join the ranks of these ..