Saturday, January 23, 2010

My last drop

The room spun in and out of vision fading into black and then flashes of bright light coming from the lamp above my bed.The room reeked of the green walls, of spirit. Rocking back and forth, a cold sweat slowly dripped from down the side of my face and down my spine.This was like waking up from a nightmare that refused to vanished when you opened your eyes. There wasn't a sound expect for the drops of water spattering on the polished floor somewhere down the hall.The silence was beginning to deafen me , resounding through the hollow pathways.I try to jump off the bed but the very effort makes the images swirl and fade.

My head begins to throb, and I can feel the contents of my stomach rise in my throat.
My limbs just wouldnt move no matter how I tried.My arms weighed a ton. A glimpse of white and heavy on my arm, bruises scarred my other arm and legs. I touched my forehead and felt a scab.My head filled with the sound of screeching tires and blinding lights made me squint. She was there wearing that white shirt I gave her, and the perfume I remember from my childhood.Tears welled in my eyes , my hands went cold. Where was she , why wasn't she here. I could feel the cold floor against my cheek but my bones were colder still, the chill oozing out of my toes.
I see a door, slowly I try to pull myself toward it my body groaning as it moved.It swirls and fades.

Ice cold water hits my face, I could feel the cuts burn.A metal chair met my bones with its icy steel fingers. A face in front of mine saying things I could barely hear, a photo pushed into my hands , she was there looking happy. The look of confusion on my face conveyed my desire to see her to the face in front of me. She says she has left and will never come back and its all my fault.
Now I realize, it sinks in that it was us in the car, she was coming with me to the hospital, where they would take care of me . Pangs of fear grip me with visions of us in a happier place, with happier people.It swirls it fades.

Ice cold water again , this time it stings less, there is another picture of a baby , one of those before birth ones .She was mine she says and she too has gone .It doesn't swirl, it doesn't fade. There is an emptiness, my stomach hits the chair or it seems to. I back into a corner ,they leave.
I remember the flashes of light, screeching tires. Alone and now completely sober my reasons to live are gone and this time too I'm to blame .
So much for my last drop.