On retirement

No, it's not what you are thinking. I am not retired nor thinking of retiring. I am too young and have many glorious work filled days ahead of me, and I doubt( highly) that I will ever (completely) retire. Not out of compulsion ,it's just easier. Working involves no emotions, no emotions means no conflict with self (type:approach-approach)which in essence will make it much much easier.
I know its strange coming from a female, since women are very into the whole emotional sphere and all that , but I am unique that way , or atleast thats what I suppose.
Anyway, to me we never retire. Never really retire anyway as we always end up doing soemthing or the other . Women start sitting in the balcaos and gossiping or start arranging matches(typical of goans) or the men take to fishing , real estate or head to the "club" where they have discussions( their term for gossip).
When I think of retirement I think of absolute calm and lack of any activity , withdrawal in a sense. In our lives we have phases of retirement, when we turn away from the world to sit aside and rediscover ourselves , others or a passion /goal. It helps to regenerate the energy that is sapped by the mundane nature of the things that generally surround us. A time to look within maybe, discover things that lay hidden for years , conquer fears. So we never truly retire , completely.

Running into my past

Well yesterday I found a piece of poetry(or something like it ) I had written in the 9th or 10th grade and goodness is it morbid. I didnt even recognise my own work , a little shocked ,anyway I think it would an interesting read and for those who never seen this side of me ,well there are lots of things you don't know about me , here is one of them . I haven't thought of a title for this one so suggestions are most welcome .

Standing alone , the cold rain washes away my tears

Faces in the distance smile and sympathise, but on different levels we do not merge ,their sympathy means nothing

No one usually gets past the outer sphere , but those few whom I hold so near seem so far away

And truth be told being a loner is not my thing I doubt it is anyone's

I long for someone , but somehow still let very few in

I hate standing alone in the rain, I cut myself to feel again even if its just pain

Numbness is not unknown to me

I have little happiness and very little joy , but those moments have passed on into oblivion

Well I have to smile and carry on , but I'll always be waiting for to pass me by again my friend

I miss the things we did , thoughts we shared basically just you

I would give up many things to have those moments back , to be with them and call them dear

But life drags everyone in a different direction and in each there is a lesson to be learnt ,a lesson that will change who you are forever

I was happy the way I was ,then pulled into this new street, into solitude

I'll wait and learn and then hopefully see light and happiness again

Till then farewell dear ones , till we meet again .

Resolution time once again

Well well so its new year again, its been a great run and thanks to all those who have been a part of my pretty amazing year. There have been ups and downs as usual, new tastes in music ,new favourite people , new ideas and new levels of intelligence, new places new experiences and so so so much more . Its been crazy , really crazy a its been a year with no regrets. This year I want to be a little less whacko hence a resolution or little resolutions with a time line , I mean I love my wild ways but its nice to be able to look back and have a clear picture of what you've done . So these aren't exactly resolutions , just things I would love to do.
Well here goes
1) make better use of my abilities and don't let them go to waste, paint more often , act in plays , dance etc
2)update this damned thing every week, so theres lots more coming .
3)make myself a priority, something I've never managed to do, everything else is more important or comes first , so lets give it a shot this year as well.
4)be more adventurous , you can interpret that in what ever way you want to
So wish me luck then

Serendipity

Crash back to reality
The gentle breezes break my fall
As do your arms
Newly baptized by the rain
I fly on my eagles wings
Daring to soar
I climb high, above and way beyond
But you lie here with me, on the ground
Sorting the pieces underneath the stars
Yes indeed you are my breathing balm

Ladidaness

Some random rambling about an aha moment I had quite some time back, you've got it then might as well share it .
Well we always look for happiness in places we expect to find it, the main problem is when our minds confuse our confused hearts even further.It is actually quite a simple choice and you just have to decide what it is that you want, but human as we are we love to add that extra dimension of complexity to everything.The meaning of the word serendipity means a place where you find what you are loonking for but dont expect to find there(so this isn't word to word from the dictionary). Absolutely apt as if we dont know what it is that we are searching for (I'm sure we have a vague idesa but that isn't enough now is it ) then you can't possibly expect to find it in the place you think it is, life sure has a nice way of sneaking up on you( some times it isnt very pleasant though) .Life throws at you what you want when you least expect to find it and generally from the exact source where you least expected to find it.Finding your purple patch is exquisite and quite unique so it by no means is ordinary.Look beyond what you see of course if you look for meaning in everything then you are just going to be dissappointed( like I am alot of the time ) you need to know where there is potential and where there isn't.
The solution of course is simple, its communion ,thats all. Communion with oneself, with ones surroundings. Communing and communicating are two very different things. For communing goes way beyond just talking, it lies in the very being and existence of ones soul. Of course its not as easy as it sounds it requires making peace with yourself and all around . Attainable of course( its gonna take me ages though).
Finally to what most people consider a major part of their happiness diregarding practically all else, love( not too much on it though). The general but very mistaken notion about love is that two incomplete people make each other whole BUT that is far from true , instead of holding each other up you'll will probably end up dragging each other down. Two complete people who compliment each other , lend to each others selves, the bond , the comfort, the communing of two individuals , two minds. Merging of two people just isn't right either , both need to maintain their identities and not completely blend into a mess. Well thats all for now

My theory

Just some insignificant ramble rather, have you noticed that the bitches get the nice guys and the losers get the nice girls, in the end both , the nice guys and girls end up getting hurt. It sucks, it would be so much easier if the nice people got each other but no that would never happen because good things dont happen to good people, as I've always heard that the worst things happen to the best of us .It does pay to be nice in this world and this is just proof of the same .We wish and hope that things would be a little different well its your life so go ahead and make the changes , people sit and grumble all the time but if your not part of the solution your part of the problem . As Gandhi rightly said be the change you would like to see in the world. I don't know how far that will work but it sure as hell doesn't hurt to try , as I say you could have lost everything but as long as you have hope you still have it all .So lets see where the rain falls now.

Quotes

Well as much as I'd like to stay the same forever that isn't happening , new self requires new quotes and I have found two perfect quotes. The previous one (Rabindranath Tagore) has been , this is "What does not kill me makes me stronger" by Friedrich Nietzsche and this will be, I dont know when but I do hope one day " You, yourself as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection" by Buddha . It does start with a step so here goes .