An epiphany , a me

Thousand Apologies

2011-06-16T05:09:00.000-07:00

To say the least I have let this blog rot in cyberspace, adding not much in way of matter or giving it the least bit of attention. For that I am sorry .. sorry to you last courageous reader that stayed and hoped for this day . This day being the day I wake up realized I had a lot to say and remembered that I had a blog to do all of that ..
So I am back to put my super opinionated posts ,random ramblings and things that I would like to believe have some semblance to poetry ..
So here's to this year, the new beginnings , the rantings and ravings of this vivacious mad woman and lots more !
Viva(raises her shot glass that is filled with feni)

sand timer

2010-08-10T10:02:00.000-07:00

The pale green silent room lies dead,
The mould seems to grow from his leg .
The muffled snoring and things in jars lay bathed in a slow golden haze,
Time here seems to pause, stories to be told and unfold but there is no one to tell.
So they gather moss in the recesses of my mind, or hers, or his or maybe another kind.
When the steady beating of the rain kept us spell bound,
We lay up here and forgot the songs of the birds and kiss of the earth.
Our memories never served us well, them our masters, we their slaves, disappeared.
Now no one can tell the tale.

Coffee spelt

2010-08-02T11:13:00.000-07:00

Stories that lived within the walls
Spilt forth like spells that wrapped you in
the corner of warmth that chose you well .
You rode high on the swirls rising from the dark puddle in your mug and..
You spilt forth like a spell unleashed upon the world.
Fly high and let the you that is , be.

My last drop

2010-01-23T05:42:00.000-08:00

The room spun in and out of vision fading into black and then flashes of bright light coming from the lamp above my bed.The room reeked of the green walls, of spirit. Rocking back and forth, a cold sweat slowly dripped from down the side of my face and down my spine.This was like waking up from a nightmare that refused to vanished when you opened your eyes. There wasn't a sound expect for the drops of water spattering on the polished floor somewhere down the hall.The silence was beginning to deafen me , resounding through the hollow pathways.I try to jump off the bed but the very effort makes the images swirl and fade.

My head begins to throb, and I can feel the contents of my stomach rise in my throat.
My limbs just wouldnt move no matter how I tried.My arms weighed a ton. A glimpse of white and heavy on my arm, bruises scarred my other arm and legs. I touched my forehead and felt a scab.My head filled with the sound of screeching tires and blinding lights made me squint. She was there wearing that white shirt I gave her, and the perfume I remember from my childhood.Tears welled in my eyes , my hands went cold. Where was she , why wasn't she here. I could feel the cold floor against my cheek but my bones were colder still, the chill oozing out of my toes.
I see a door, slowly I try to pull myself toward it my body groaning as it moved.It swirls and fades.

Ice cold water hits my face, I could feel the cuts burn.A metal chair met my bones with its icy steel fingers. A face in front of mine saying things I could barely hear, a photo pushed into my hands , she was there looking happy. The look of confusion on my face conveyed my desire to see her to the face in front of me. She says she has left and will never come back and its all my fault.
Now I realize, it sinks in that it was us in the car, she was coming with me to the hospital, where they would take care of me . Pangs of fear grip me with visions of us in a happier place, with happier people.It swirls it fades.

Ice cold water again , this time it stings less, there is another picture of a baby , one of those before birth ones .She was mine she says and she too has gone .It doesn't swirl, it doesn't fade. There is an emptiness, my stomach hits the chair or it seems to. I back into a corner ,they leave.
I remember the flashes of light, screeching tires. Alone and now completely sober my reasons to live are gone and this time too I'm to blame .
So much for my last drop.

A sight among others

2009-11-08T01:24:00.000-08:00

Lying on the floor blowing bubbles at the ceiling
Watching them break into me
The sight of dark glass
The chill on the floor that night
A girl too old for her dress
The purple bouncing off the chair ..
The sight of clouds and the weight of them bearing down,upside down
The fragance of fresh earth newly bathed ..
Mist and sun slowly swirl

Hold it right there fella !

2009-10-26T01:59:00.000-07:00

Well in my recent travels and interactions with people in and outside the state I have come across some very warped perceiptions of goan women .. especially young goan women.
Just because we are passionate about life and live with no regrets doesnt mean we have no morals or boundaries , we may give into the moment and not look back but that doesn't make us any less respectful than the next ...
You may not be used to women this free and alive but that doesn't take anything away from us or our dignity ..
We are probably the most caring, talented and charming creatures you've come across in and while that may intimidate you , that has nothing to do with who we are ... so open your minds a little you'll be amazed at what life throws your way then ..

And then the glitter faded

2009-10-21T04:44:00.000-07:00

So my idealistic bubble has burst .. attribute it to what you may 'the ugly truth' or whatever you want .
This isn't about love or the lack of it ,those illusions have long been dispelled (my youthful cynicism, isn't it just infectious?)
Well I've another one of those epiphanies, moments in life where reality slaps you in the face and the underbelly that lays hidden behind rose tainted reality lays open to be viewed.
The grinding poverty, the heights of frivolity, rampant corruption, the vague glimpses of hope that get us jumping for more ..
The question to be asked is are we not the ones in control of what goes on , I mean apparently this is a democracy so why don't we make changes.
See now that's the really upsetting is that people have gotten so comfortable in the chaos that surrounds them , it takes too much time and effort to try and alleviate someone Else's pain, to care about what surrounds you , We search for the easy way out of each situation. Garbage flung out of the windows onto the road, leave your taps running , I mean we have worked for it who gets to tell us how to use it ?
There is almost no sense of civic responsibility left.
We won't get off our high horses and do something. Why , well because someone else will do it , its not our job to care. Well now that 'Someone Else' is done being taken for granted.
Our feilds are dying, the weather is getting worse, food prices rising, garbage increasing. We deserve better we all know that yet we aren't willing to change the way our economy works .. we aren't willing to take the green way out .. we aren't willing to fight a collective battle .. we aren't even willing to do our own little part...If everyone just paid attention to the hundred feet around them there would probably be a day we could look forward to ,a change we could look forward to.
For one of the fastest rising economies this country sure doesn't look it and when you travel to poorer countries with better infrastructure you wonder .. if they can , then why cant we ?
The lack of motivation to do something for someone other than yourself , greed , desire to overlook others in effort to get your big break... it all just adds up .
I guess at the end of the day everyone just wants their own luxury and are unwilling to look at the bigger picture because its futile sometimes there are sacrifices to be made and there isn't anyone to do.
I applaud all those who committ themselves to the betterment of society, sometimes even putting themselves on the line ...and those that still believe in the Utopian dream and work for it .. I one day hope to join the ranks of these ..

Is Goa losing its culture?

2009-04-11T00:21:00.000-07:00

A few thousands of years ago the earth was populated by nothing other than dinosaurs and foliage,but today the very existence of the dinosaurs seems surreal. The dinosaurs just vanished into thin air, wiped out.

Some opine that Goa and Goans in the same way are being wiped out , or rather is losing its culture, some even go to the extent of saying that we have long forgotten our culture and have no true identity but to ape the rulers that held us captive for so many years.An example shows itself clearly in the attendance of the ‘Semana da Cultural Portuguesa’as opposed to the attendance and enthusiasm seen toward the same program been held to celebrate the regions culture , the difference between both is far from marginal.

A question that is raised often is what really is Goan culture?Fados and spanish guitars or a tiatr? It is well and good that Goa encompasses many different cultures but what we are in fact forgetting is that we existed before the Portuguese , and before they came here we did have a very distinct culture as you can read of in books like “The Saraswats”or look up the Kadamba’s the rulers of goa before the Portuguese. Why don’t most educated goan youth speak konkani fluently ,why would we rather patronise a foreign film as opposed to a regional film, why do we look outward to define ourselves? Culture is something that is innate ,not something you eminate.If something does not come from you , you can never contain hence it has the potential to be lost. The rise of the goan economy has brought many ‘outsiders ’into the state and has slowly led to the intergration of Goa with the rest of India , some consider this as losing of culture ,that is far from true though.Intergration with the rest of India will serve to widen our horizons, this may have its downsides but losing a culture is not one of them.

Rather than losing our culture its is being diluted by the presence of other cultures , but that does not mean it has been wiped out , that merely means that those who deem they possess this culture need to hold true to it. Just because the things around are changing that does not mean that we have lost the goan identity thats just means we need to reaffirm it. Time changes many things as holds good with culture as well, we can not say that we are losing our culture , its merely being redefined.

[This is an essay that had been submitted for some competition a while ago]

A tribute to a man who changed the world

2008-10-28T08:25:00.000-07:00

I was fortunate enough to have met in my lifetime a man who exemplified the quote "Be the change you want to see in the world." You may call me an idealist but I say this is possible because I saw it , everyday for almost two years.
He did the very best he could within the boundaries that life chose to place on him, he tried to always be the best man he could, at all times. A jack of all trades and master of most.
He had faith in people that never seemed to die no matter how hard life hit him.

He had faith in me, though I never earned it, He looked beyond the superficial nature of a situation , He saw beyond my rebellion and saw the potential and subtly and in His own unique way managed to to make me dream , dream big to achieve bigger. He challenged his students and ushered them forward but never did He pushed us over the edge.

I honestly feel that the way to change the world is through a classroom and that is why I say Sir Glenn changed the world, for we will never forget him like He never forgot us. We will carry him , his message and his knowledge in our hearts.He once said to us "Take root in the soil but grow and let the branches of your knowledge go throughout the world."

There were a hundred things He could have done yet He chose to teach, because I guess that He knew thats what He was probably born to do. Never have I seen a teacher so passionate about teaching, so passionate about learning and basically about life itself. As my tribute to him I will attain success in measures that He would have wanted me to and spread His passion for life and His ideals through the world. They say good men die young and that was certainly true in this case. We miss you Sir and we will carry your light to the world.

As I smell the coffee

2008-07-24T07:49:00.000-07:00

I was just wondering , what are people going to eat ? If they survive global warming, natural disasters and of course , some one Else's war . Love and fresh air sure isn't going to do the trick, I don't think the air will be fresh by then anyway .
Global hunger has officially begun. Maybe be we haven't noticed because we are to busy obsessing over our rising status in the world economy, or maybe we were busy converting agricultural land to commercial land or something of the sort.
What people don't realise is that all the worrying and fretting about development is going to lead them no where, we need to invest now in what is truly important, the environment.
What I would like to ask you is , when all the food and water is gone are you ready to eat money ?

I believe

2008-05-14T10:05:00.000-07:00

1) that all good things must come to an end or they would turn bitter and we would not remember them fondly.

2)that world isn't fair , so you don't always get as much as you give , but you need to still carry on giving for the sake of those who have had more taken away from them than you have .

3)that no matter how empty you feel when a dear one has left ,the whole "I can't live without you" is drama. Simply because you lived before them, you will live after, maybe even better than before.

4)that there is no point travelling , if the only feel your going to get of the place is through the window of a seven star hotel.After all what part of them are you taking back?

5)that though there may be many things wrong with the world right now, we need to see the good in each soul. As my Nana always said give someone three faults and then count their positives.

6)that every small action has the ability to make a big change. Your action may not be the cause of the change but it may empower someone else , and you would have taken part in that process

7)we need to stop focusing solely on development , because when all the food is gone you can't eat money.(F.Y.I Global hunger has started )

8)that no ones needs anybody else, but we want them, and that makes all the difference.

9)that feminism is not about saying men are evil pieces of crap, but about gaining respect for ourselves because of who we are through our achievements and not because of what we look like .

10)that you don't need anyone's approval , the validation process begins and ends with you.

Good intentions pave the way to hell

2008-04-16T10:11:00.000-07:00

So if you take an interest in politics , you will have noticed some similarities between what is happening in maharashtra now and germany in the 1940's. Of course the levels of violence differ vastly, many things have changed since the 1940's . The similarity though lies in the principle behind the violence , or the justification.
The MNS has done some valuable work no doubt. For those that don't know MNS provides training for the marathi manoos so that he can be self dependent and occupy posts that would be taken from him by outsiders. Simple things , not engineers or anything of the sort , but vendors and the like .The mistake is instigating the people to strike out against their fellow indians that happen to flock to the city for a job oppurtunity that would in turn (through tax) help the state .
The main reason for that kind of outburst would be insecurity.This is also where we can see similarity.Hitler did do some good, but the good that he did was overpowered by the bad.He believed that the germans were are pure race and needed proper living space, jobs etc . Now if you go back to germany then the reason he picked on the jews was because they were doing extremely well for themselves, hence depriving the true germans of oppurtunities . So his sollution was out with the jews.
Now look at maharashtra , MNS said that the marathi manoos were jobless , and we needed to get rid of the outsiders in the state as they were depriving the marathi manoos of jobs and taking up their area etc.Well there are ways of proving competence other than getting rid of the competition now arent there.None of the other metros that face the same problem of migration have reacted in such a manner.
Well I have done my duty of stating the obvious

Finger pointing , the new Goan obsession

2008-04-09T02:48:00.000-07:00

Actually I'm wondering whether this frenzy of finger pointing is new , because if I remember right then it always existed in a form . Government and the opposition pointing fingers at each other , through party owned local dailies or should I say party "influenced" local dailies. A faulty plan or proposition would lead to such a scenario and we are transported back to a second grade class room where the dialogue goes "he did it !" hand outstreched, finger pointing.
Putting the blame onto someone else isn't solving anyones problems. The roads still have pot holes, the hills still get cut , the women are still not safe. Accepting responsility and taking initiative would be the course of action followed by a mature person but unfortunately for us goans we elect people that are fit to be in the second grade , sly underhanded second graders.And it really makes you think if there is knowledge of the term pro active in the state.
What is appreciated is the people of goa have woken up a tad bit , meetings are held by citizens and plans have been thwarted.So there may be a tiny ray of hope somewhere behind the huge black cloud that covers the goan sky.

2008-03-24T11:16:00.000-07:00

Pressure keeps mounting

Every corner something new arises

We need to embrace it to gain acceptance

Compromise on our beliefs to be called open minded

We've become leeches trying to latch on to the ride , to our fake reality

Trying always to achieve perfection, but what is perfection?

Can it really be defined

Cynical and bitter inside , silently hoping that it won't seep through the mask and plastered smile

Caught in the momentum of everyday life

I feel no pain , I feel no strife

Life loses its lustre like silver in time

Now some how there seems to be no real place for me any more

A misfit in a world of individuals

My feelings varied like the colours of the spectrum

Though so different they merge to form one

Riding high on the wings of my soul

Trying to escape the midday mayhem and the chaos of everyday life

But then get stung in the face by ice cold reality

Well I guess in the end I will carve my own niche as I will always be me

Broken

2008-03-24T11:02:00.000-07:00

The veil slips and she lowered her face
The moment capsized into nothingness, oblivion
Warmth; a new element in her world ,she dare not venture forth
Tracing little pools with her toes, curious and cautious was this nymph
The urn fell, shattered
Oh, how beautifully it reflects light
The last drop drained
Indeed what a beautiful light

On retirement

2008-01-28T08:28:00.000-08:00

No, it's not what you are thinking. I am not retired nor thinking of retiring. I am too young and have many glorious work filled days ahead of me, and I doubt( highly) that I will ever (completely) retire. Not out of compulsion ,it's just easier. Working involves no emotions, no emotions means no conflict with self (type:approach-approach)which in essence will make it much much easier.
I know its strange coming from a female, since women are very into the whole emotional sphere and all that , but I am unique that way , or atleast thats what I suppose.
Anyway, to me we never retire. Never really retire anyway as we always end up doing soemthing or the other . Women start sitting in the balcaos and gossiping or start arranging matches(typical of goans) or the men take to fishing , real estate or head to the "club" where they have discussions( their term for gossip).
When I think of retirement I think of absolute calm and lack of any activity , withdrawal in a sense. In our lives we have phases of retirement, when we turn away from the world to sit aside and rediscover ourselves , others or a passion /goal. It helps to regenerate the energy that is sapped by the mundane nature of the things that generally surround us. A time to look within maybe, discover things that lay hidden for years , conquer fears. So we never truly retire , completely.

Running into my past

2008-01-14T01:56:00.000-08:00

Well yesterday I found a piece of poetry(or something like it ) I had written in the 9th or 10th grade and goodness is it morbid. I didnt even recognise my own work , a little shocked ,anyway I think it would an interesting read and for those who never seen this side of me ,well there are lots of things you don't know about me , here is one of them . I haven't thought of a title for this one so suggestions are most welcome .

Standing alone , the cold rain washes away my tears

Faces in the distance smile and sympathise, but on different levels we do not merge ,their sympathy means nothing

No one usually gets past the outer sphere , but those few whom I hold so near seem so far away

And truth be told being a loner is not my thing I doubt it is anyone's

I long for someone , but somehow still let very few in

I hate standing alone in the rain, I cut myself to feel again even if its just pain

Numbness is not unknown to me

I have little happiness and very little joy , but those moments have passed on into oblivion

Well I have to smile and carry on , but I'll always be waiting for to pass me by again my friend

I miss the things we did , thoughts we shared basically just you

I would give up many things to have those moments back , to be with them and call them dear

But life drags everyone in a different direction and in each there is a lesson to be learnt ,a lesson that will change who you are forever

I was happy the way I was ,then pulled into this new street, into solitude

I'll wait and learn and then hopefully see light and happiness again

Till then farewell dear ones , till we meet again .

Resolution time once again

2008-01-14T01:45:00.000-08:00

Well well so its new year again, its been a great run and thanks to all those who have been a part of my pretty amazing year. There have been ups and downs as usual, new tastes in music ,new favourite people , new ideas and new levels of intelligence, new places new experiences and so so so much more . Its been crazy , really crazy a its been a year with no regrets. This year I want to be a little less whacko hence a resolution or little resolutions with a time line , I mean I love my wild ways but its nice to be able to look back and have a clear picture of what you've done . So these aren't exactly resolutions , just things I would love to do.
Well here goes
1) make better use of my abilities and don't let them go to waste, paint more often , act in plays , dance etc
2)update this damned thing every week, so theres lots more coming .
3)make myself a priority, something I've never managed to do, everything else is more important or comes first , so lets give it a shot this year as well.
4)be more adventurous , you can interpret that in what ever way you want to
So wish me luck then

Serendipity

2007-08-10T02:58:00.000-07:00

Crash back to reality
The gentle breezes break my fall
As do your arms
Newly baptized by the rain
I fly on my eagles wings
Daring to soar
I climb high, above and way beyond
But you lie here with me, on the ground
Sorting the pieces underneath the stars
Yes indeed you are my breathing balm

Ladidaness

2007-08-09T11:49:00.000-07:00

Some random rambling about an aha moment I had quite some time back, you've got it then might as well share it .
Well we always look for happiness in places we expect to find it, the main problem is when our minds confuse our confused hearts even further.It is actually quite a simple choice and you just have to decide what it is that you want, but human as we are we love to add that extra dimension of complexity to everything.The meaning of the word serendipity means a place where you find what you are loonking for but dont expect to find there(so this isn't word to word from the dictionary). Absolutely apt as if we dont know what it is that we are searching for (I'm sure we have a vague idesa but that isn't enough now is it ) then you can't possibly expect to find it in the place you think it is, life sure has a nice way of sneaking up on you( some times it isnt very pleasant though) .Life throws at you what you want when you least expect to find it and generally from the exact source where you least expected to find it.Finding your purple patch is exquisite and quite unique so it by no means is ordinary.Look beyond what you see of course if you look for meaning in everything then you are just going to be dissappointed( like I am alot of the time ) you need to know where there is potential and where there isn't.
The solution of course is simple, its communion ,thats all. Communion with oneself, with ones surroundings. Communing and communicating are two very different things. For communing goes way beyond just talking, it lies in the very being and existence of ones soul. Of course its not as easy as it sounds it requires making peace with yourself and all around . Attainable of course( its gonna take me ages though).
Finally to what most people consider a major part of their happiness diregarding practically all else, love( not too much on it though). The general but very mistaken notion about love is that two incomplete people make each other whole BUT that is far from true , instead of holding each other up you'll will probably end up dragging each other down. Two complete people who compliment each other , lend to each others selves, the bond , the comfort, the communing of two individuals , two minds. Merging of two people just isn't right either , both need to maintain their identities and not completely blend into a mess. Well thats all for now

My theory

2007-08-01T11:47:00.000-07:00

Just some insignificant ramble rather, have you noticed that the bitches get the nice guys and the losers get the nice girls, in the end both , the nice guys and girls end up getting hurt. It sucks, it would be so much easier if the nice people got each other but no that would never happen because good things dont happen to good people, as I've always heard that the worst things happen to the best of us .It does pay to be nice in this world and this is just proof of the same .We wish and hope that things would be a little different well its your life so go ahead and make the changes , people sit and grumble all the time but if your not part of the solution your part of the problem . As Gandhi rightly said be the change you would like to see in the world. I don't know how far that will work but it sure as hell doesn't hurt to try , as I say you could have lost everything but as long as you have hope you still have it all .So lets see where the rain falls now.

Quotes

2007-08-01T11:24:00.001-07:00

Well as much as I'd like to stay the same forever that isn't happening , new self requires new quotes and I have found two perfect quotes. The previous one (Rabindranath Tagore) has been , this is "What does not kill me makes me stronger" by Friedrich Nietzsche and this will be, I dont know when but I do hope one day " You, yourself as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection" by Buddha . It does start with a step so here goes .

My all time favourite quote

2007-07-30T08:39:00.000-07:00

This something I read while in school , its written by Rabindranath Tagore . Granted its a little cold and I dont agree with it or live by it , but it explains human nature splendidly well . So here it is
"O poor unthinking human heart . Error will not go away, logic and reason fail to penentrate. We cling with both arms to false hope, refusing to believe the weightiest of proofs against it .In the end it escapes ripping our veins and draining our hearts blood; until regaining consciousness we rush to fall into the snares of delusion all over again "
so I guess we all some self destructiveness in there somewhere and if you look hard enough you'll find it , trust me don't look :D lol

Assinine double standards.. enough already

2007-07-29T02:53:00.000-07:00

What is with Indian society and its absolutely stupid double standards. Yes I do agree that we can't apply all the same rules for men and women but the way Indian society looks at certain issues is just utter. For instance, why is it alright for a male to stray in a marriage but when the woman does it all hell breaks loose. She might as well get a new identity and move to a different continent. I mean I'm not prowomen strayin in marriage,hell no but why do the men get excused. Like its no big deal, they can do what they want to your job as a wife is to sit quietly and accept his apology. If he does apologise that is, if he doesnt well shut up and deal with it anyway.
There is no excuse what so ever!
Even with relationships its the same thing, maybe its slightly better because women have he option of walking out, though it may tarnish their reputation a wee bit!
Next scenario,your brother gets to party but you dont even though he gets home pissed drunk every time and you dont (say when you went for a dance or something). The reason you get is that he a is boy and your a girl even though you would handle yourself better under the same situation, being your gender could harm you!
When a boy is sexually abused there is a huge hue n cry n the offender gets his due and whatever else required,BUT if a woman gets raped a little news paper coverage some discussion and then they insult the girl by saying that she was asking for it!Who asks to get raped,who would want to suffer in that way ? Wearin what you want is your freedom of expression,which sadly women truely don't have. It takes alot for someone to come up and make it known to the authorities that she has been raped. After that the way society looks at her changes , she gets labelled, insulted by officials who say she asked for it maybe even mistreated by them.
After all that we wonder why so many rape cases are go past unreported. Who would want to report it after seeing the treatment meted out to those that do. It would take alot of strenght to do so. There is no excuse whatsoever for raping someone ,none. The victim could have been roaming around naked and men would not have the right to touch her .
I know men are not brilliantly endowed with self control but a little effort on their part would do a whole lot of good.All we are asking for is a little self respect, is that too much to ask for ?

The open road

2007-07-27T02:53:00.000-07:00

The lost time stands between you and me
Bridging gaps centuries old
I can barely walk let alone stand
But you have come to lead me
Holding me you help me find a way back to sanity
Caught between today and tomorrow
Afterthoughts brings so much sorrow
But now is my time to fly
So I break away from my cocoon
And I'm off into the midnight sky

Help!!

2007-07-27T02:16:00.000-07:00

Well as usual when your in the 12th people ask you "So what do you want to do next?". I always thought I had the answer to that question, yes I planned my career out, but then out of the blue, rather I think it was afterI started economics more specifically I was confused. Me the one who could proudly say she made up her mind was confused. I faced all kinds of nonsense whenI decided that I would be heading to art college " Are you sure you want to do this?" etc etc, endured it and put my foot down and now, now I'm confused .Since I'm more stubborn or strong minded than any ass for me to say I've changed my mind after all of that isnt going to be easy, I cant stand the "I told you so" phase, I just cant ,but I'm still confused , torn between fine art and business administration and have no clue which road to walk down. I like both and both are fulfilling. Sigh, I am absolutely torn *throws hands up in the air *. HELP!

The Revelation

2007-07-26T11:08:00.000-07:00

Everyone's gone now its just you, all alone
Sitting there you realise that, well you always were
Nobody can truly know you , but atleast you gave them a chance
I hid behind fake smiles and charm
I still wonder where this all begins
I have nothing to give you
I stand bare handed
Can't you see .. they picked at my bones and divivded my soul
Can't you hear them say " go away .. there isn't anything there
But I do exist .. I withstood it all
Just now I'm afraid to crawl out of the dark
Scared to feel , to dream ,to hope
No ones found me
I'm scared you may
Don't go if I push you
Its the strenght that does that
The part of me that is trying to be realistic rationlizes and says
You shouldnt bother ,why have a memory of the beauty to torture yourself
Take your call ..
Nobody stays.. those who do dont know
I hope you stay and I hope you find me
Don't give up on me just yet
But then who am I to bind you here

So whats all the hype about

2007-07-26T10:44:00.000-07:00

So after a long time of people telling me I should be blogging and asking why I dont( not that I care or listen to what people say, not in the least). I finally got kheeda to write something, since most of what of I write is not print material( due to explicit content) I had to find another way and what better way than to blog ! Generally I stay far away from anything thats over hyped ,Harry Potter ,excessive amounts of candy pink etc. I'm more of a low key random kind of person, though that can all change. Some one told me once that my problem was that I'm too wild (has that ever been a problem for anyone,ever!) being wild is part of hippie nature.. its all subject to interpretation though, its all subjective.And maybe some women are not meant to be tamed.